True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
