Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
