what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
