So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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