tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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