Can i not drive my cunt home
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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