i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my liver is dry heaving
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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