I'm so fucking centered right now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We smell like vodka and hangover
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
