i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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