im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
