Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
this beer tastes like vomit already
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ketchup is God's man juice
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
