I queefed so loud it echoed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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