smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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