I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
