Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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