she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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