so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
