She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
