Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
