We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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