3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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