I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
