someone threw a dead crab at me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize
