Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
