dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
