I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
