so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
