tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
