I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
