No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
