It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
