Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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