So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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