I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
