I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's great music for shaving your balls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
