So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
