Don't you send me to vm
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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