your thong is hanging out like whoa
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
