I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
