They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
