Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
