OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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