ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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