I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
