I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You need Xanax blowdarts
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
