we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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