i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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