We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
