Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
