Me. At least after what I've been through.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
