Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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