i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
literally had 100 drinks last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
